The Broken Mask

The years of hate,
Of cruelty,
Of shame,
Of fear,
Of forced silence,
Taught me
Feeling and loving was bad,
Unsafe.
It left me vulnerable,
Allowed my soul to die.

I made a mask
That covered my head
To put on
When attacked.
It showed my laughing,
Smiling self
While I cried
My tears,
Screamed
My rage,
Died
My death,
Again and again.

The mask,
I discovered,
Blinded me
From the beauty
Of love,
Deafened me
From the song
Of love,
Deadened me
To the gentleness
Of love,
Stifled me
From the breath
Of love.
Yet I could not let go.
I was addicted
To the cold,
Stone mask.

Then an angel intervened
In my slow, silent suicide.
He sent to me
A song of sweet mercy
With expansive white wings
And a golden halo,
The angel
Ripped the mask
Off my face,
Dashed it to the ground.

I screamed
Like I was dying.
I tried
To gather the pieces,
Knowing it was futile,
Hating the angel
For breaking my only defense,
For breaking my precious mask,
Until he tilted my chin
And wiped the tears away
And made me see
I was crying!
I was feeling!
I was loving!
And not hurting!

Now the angel
That showed me love
Is still guarding me
And showing me
How to feel
And how to love.
And when I die
And leave this world,
The only thing
I will leave
As my testimony
Is a broken mask
To tell my children
To live their lives
Feeling their emotion
And not to allow
Their souls
To be locked away
And to love
Themselves
Without fear.