_ ___ ________
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| |__| | \ /\ / | |
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________ .__ ._____________ .__
/ _____/ ____ | | __| _/\______ \ __ __ ______| |__
/ \ ___ / _ \ | | / __ | | _/| | \ / ___/| | \
\ \_\ \( <_> )| |__/ /_/ | | | \| | / \___ \ | Y \
\______ / \____/ |____/\____ | |____|_ /|____/ /____ >|___| /
\/ ________ ____\__ _____\/ ________ \/ \/
\_____ \ \ _ \ \ _ \ \_____ \
/ ____/ / /_\ \ / /_\ \ _(__ <
/ \ \ \_/ \\ \_/ \ / \
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| Live! Saturday March 29th 2003 Pontiac Silverdome, Detroit, MI |
| Hour One |
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QUEEN OF THE MOUNTAIN TAG TEAM MATCH
FOR THE WOMEN'S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP:
Extreme Measures[c]... The Furies... Sleek & Seductive...
The Bod Squad... The Love Sisters...
Satin Sheets & Donna Tetreault... Myra Bennedict & ?...
WRITER: Derek Edwards
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................/__ _ | _| |_) _ |_ ) / \ / \ _)................
\_|(_)|(_| | \|_|_> | | /_ \_/ \_/ _)
DH: The following contest is the special Queen of the Mountain Tag Team challenge. Six tag-teams will compete in an elimination match to crown the new UWF Women's Tag Team champions! Each team will face another tag team in a bout scheduled for one fall. Any tag-team may be eliminated by pinfall, count-out, disqualification or submission. The winner of each bout will immediately face a new tag-team until there is only one-team standing. And now... introducing our first team, weighing in at a combined...
[The houselights cut out. As the fans start to rumble in anticipation gold fireworks explode from the rampway. Rockets scream up into the rafters leaving a shower of gold behind them. The big screen brightens as gold script slowly scrawls its way across the picture. "A Sierra Browne production ...." "She's a Bitch" kicks in with its bass and snare loops. The spotlights hit the stage and there stands Sierra, head held high, arms thrown up and legs crossed. Behind her, her sister Indigo begins filming her and the screen cuts to the images captured by Indigo's videocamera as Sierra strides to the ring, cocky, arrogant, confident. She barely acknowledges the fans as she makes her way to the ring, showing them an athletic display as she springs up to the apron and then over the top rope in two nimble leaps. She twirls for the crowd, egging on their cheers and jeers. The long, muscular woman proudly wears the LEW Championship belt with her casual ensemble of skintight jeans and a crop top that shows off every cut of her six pack abs. The fans boo the presence of the LEW champion. She glares at them scornfully.]
DR: What's going on here? Sierra Browne is not scheduled to compete in this event.
SS: Yeah, but did you think she'd be the type to just sit on the sidelines while somebody else takes the spotlight? C'mon, she ain't Tara Smith.
AM: Exactly. She's a classless spotlight stealer.
SS: You're just jealous because she's got a much better ass than you.
[The sound of air being displaced by a hand swinging and missing its mark feeds over the audio.]
SS: Missed me! Phhhhhhttttttttttttt!
[The reigning LEW Women's Champion takes her seat at the commentary table. Audio squeal.]
SB: Did you think you could just leave the LEW champion out of the Show? Hmmm? The biggest show of the year and you guys don't want to give me a match? You think I don't know what's going on. Well, let me tell you nothing goes down around here without the Show's stamp of approval.
AM: Dave, is there enough room for all five of us at the table?
DR: Five?
AM: Yeah, Sierra's ego needs a space, too.
SB: Don't forget my big booty, either.
AM: Hey! Get that out of my face!
SS: Ooohhh! Hit me with it, too! C'mon, please! Drop it like it's hot!
SB: [clearly disgusted] Not for all the money in the world, Steeley.
AM: Well at least she's got taste.
DR: Here we go. The first team's being introduced.
DH: Weighing in at a combined two hundred and fifty-three pounds, coming down the aisle, they are Leslie "Wildfire" Hernandez and the woman only known as Angel...
THEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
[A low roll of thunder rumbles over the arena's speakers, accompanied by a brief strobe effect and the dry, creaking voice of an ancient crone.]
# With every breath, the air grows stale #
# Deathly cold winds howl and wail #
# Raging thunder pounds like drums #
# When something wicked this way comes #
[She breaks into a fit of disquieting cackling as the thunder gives way to Matthew Sweet's "Dark Secret." The Furies appear amidst red strobes, heads bowed solemnly. They stand there like that for a few moments, before setting their sights on the ring. Something seems different... unsettlingly so. The fans normal boos are muted. Even they seem intimidated.]
SS: Hey... where's Angel's face?!
AM: Oh, this can't be good...
DR: Well, now we know what was in that package -- and whom it was from.
[Focused on Angel's hood, the camera catches nothing but darkness and the reflection of the arena lights. Beneath the folds of cloth, a familiar-looking black mirrored visor stares back out blankly. Leslie, fitting with the theme, is wearing a black cape that reaches to her knees and red and purple tie-dye.]
SB: The Furies look like they mean business. It was only yesterday that Extreme Measures hospitalised Tigress. I can't say the little pussy...
DR: Sierra!
SB: ...cat didn't have it coming, but a parking lot beating is so classless. But then what would you expect out of Nina Grimmson.
AM: What do you have against Nina?
SB: She's a fraud. She's a cheat. And if you really get up close to her. She stinks.
SS: Like fish?
SB: Left out in the sun.
SS: Someone needs a douche, huh?
SB: Just stay out of the women's lockerroom the third week of every month. Pew.
DR: [ignoring the lowbrow commentary] This match should be intense. The Furies looking to settle some scores here.
AM: You would think that every team would take a conservative approach to these matches, but looking at Angel wearing that mask. I think she's out for blood!
[They approach the ring at their own speeds, with Leslie highly animated but Angel nearly stalking behind her, a faceless apparition not unlike her brother. Angel climbs the ring steps as Leslie hops on to the apron, and both enter between the ropes at the same time. Leslie removes the cape and warms up in the corner while Angel removes her jewelry, visor, hood, and cloak in that order. As we get our first look at Angel's face since her chat with Amanda Wells, we see it locked in an expression of grim determination.]
SB: Oh yeah, Grimmson's dead. Drake is dead.
[Both Furies turn their heads toward the entrance, staring down the aisle as they wait for their hated opponents.]
DH: And their opponents... weighing in at a combined two hundred and forty pounds... they are known as Extreme Measures... "The British Bad Girl" Lisa Drake... and Detroit, Michigan's very own...
"MOOOCKINGBIRD" NIIIIIIINAAAAAAA GRIMMMMMMMMSONNNNNNN!
[The fans are on their feet for Nina Grimmson, clapping, stomping, cheering, blowing airhorns.]
DR: A huge ovation for Nina Grimmson!
SB: I knew Michigan didn't have anything going for it, but I never expected them to be so happy to cheer a failure like Nina?
SS: Hey, when you look at downtown Detroit every day you've got to celebrate something. Wait a minute. Sierra, do I smell fish?
AM: Shut up, Sam.
["The Gauntlet" by the Dropkick Murphys comes over the speakers as the second set of champions arrive. Lisa's in her usual wrestling attire, her blonde hair pulled behind her head and her tag team belt around her waist. Nina is wearing torn white jeans with skull designs printed on them, a black "Dimmu Borgir- World Misanthropy" longsleeve t-shirt, black Nike amateur wrestling shoes, and black kicking pads. Nina finishes her outfit with both hands wrapped in white tape, her long black hair tied in a tight ponytail, and her face painted up with old Scandinavian battle runes. She carries her belt over her shoulder. As they make their way down the aisle, Nina slaps hands with her fellow Detroit natives, however, she does not take her eyes off the ring. Both women then remove their belts and slide into the ring. The crowd steadily rumbles now.]
DR: The history between these two teams is so intense... so bloody... so brutal.
SB: So irrelevant if these two have a brain in their heads. This match isn't about settling a score. The Furies and Extreme Measures have to go through five teams in order to win the titles. You're going to have to approach the match cautiously and conserve as much energy as possible. That's what they should do. I hope both teams are ~smart~ enough to put aside their differences.
SS: Show, much as I respect your opinion, you haven't watched much of the UWF have you? This is going to be a blood bath!
SB: Amy, how long do I have to wait before I slap him?
AM: You can get it out of the way right now.
SS: Hey wait a minute! That's Marshall's bit! I thought we were....
[___THWAAAACKKKKKKK!_
__]AM: Whooooooo! I take back everything I said about you, Sierra!
SB: Damn, that even hurt me.
SS: [muffled] Where's my eye tooth?
DR: Sierra Browne fitting in right away with our commentary team. The referee going over the instructions with both teams. Neither team seems to care. Things are going to break loose very soon.
SS: Just ring the bell and let the carnage begin. And somebody find my tooth!
DR: We're underway!
[Lisa Drake and Leslie Hernandez start the match off. They don't circle. They don't feel each other out. They go straight for the throats in a collar and elbow lockup that turns into a double choke really quickly. The crowd digs the violence. They're already barking at the action.]
AM: They'll kill each other!
SB: Good, get both stupid teams out of my ring and put some real competitors in there. Wait, I'm not in the match. There are no competitors.
DR: But they look like their enjoying it. Look, they're smiling at each other!
SS: I heard about that kind of fetish. You get off from being so close to death. You know what I'm talking about, right Amy?
AM: Sierra, you want another shot at him?
SS: [sheepishly] I'll be good.
[The referee has to insert himself between Leslie and Lisa to force them apart. As he shoves Lisa towards her corner Leslie unloads with a roundhouse kick over his head that connects flush with Drake's jaw. She and the referee go down in a heap. Big "OOOHHH!" for the first impact move of the match.]
SB: That was a nasty shot. Lisa was completely unprepared for that one.
SS: Don't knock her out too fast, Wildfire. Tigress wants some revenge!
DR: And Lisa Drake is throwing the referee aside. That's it. The gloves are off!
SS: Remember kids, no glove... no love!
SB: Are you always this corny? These two have no sense at all. They want to kill each other, but there are four more teams left waiting for them! What's going to be left for the next round?
AM: Last year Grimmson and Drake nearly killed themselves in a Tokyo Death match. They don't care about pain. And neither do the Furies. This is all about pure naked hatred, not a title.
SB: Then give me the chance to get in there. I deserve a shot.
DR: Why?
SB: Because I'm Sierra Browne.
SS: Trust me, Dave. Don't make her slap you. Just take her word for it that she does deserve it.
[Lisa Drake tears into Leslie with rights and lefts, going for the body and the head. Leslie grunts in pain as each shot lands. The crowd eggs her on with each blow.]
SB: All right, I'm impressed. I didn't know Lisa Drake had that kind of punching power.
DR: Indeed, those body shots are scoring. They're hurting Hernandez.
SS: Something stinks! Did anybody check those gloves?
AM: What are you saying?
SB: No they didn't. I bet those gloves are loaded. Well, that sure make this interesting. Extreme Measures with some clever cheating.
DR: Lisa Drake is fighting with a lot of passion. That's pure energy in those punches!
AM: Besides, nothing's been proven. We've got no actual evidence the gloves are loaded!
SS: And we've got no actual evidence that you're a-
[SMMMMAAAAAAACKKKKKKK!]
SB: At least let him finish the punchline.
DR: Lisa Drake has Hernandez backed into the ropes now as the referee is trying to get her to open those fists. It isn't proving to be easy.
SS: He wants something proven to be easy? Try Amy!
SB: Now slap him.
[SLAP!
SMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKK!]
AM: Thanks, Sierra.
SB: I just needed to hit something.
[Lisa Drake rears back with a punch, but Leslie Hernandez catches the punch. Her face clenches in pain as the fist impacts her palm, but she holds on, turning the move into an elbow buster! Boos from the crowd as Lisa Drake drops to the mat, shaking her arm.]
SS: Now the tables are turned!
DR: Hernandez stomping away on the hand. Now she's turning to her corner. She wants Angel in. And Angel's face has been strangely expressionless during this entire match.
SB: She's focused. Or she's autistic. I guess we'll find out which soon enough.
SS: It's going to be hell when she gets in.
[Drake slides forward, though, as Leslie goes for the tag and trips up Hernandez, making her fall flat on her face. This draws an OUCH from the fans as Hernandez lands straight on her nose. Drake rolls to her feet and mounts Hernandez, raining rabbit punches into the back of her head.]
Ref: 1... 2... 3... 4... Open those hands! Open those hands!
SB: Oh yeah, that'll work.
[Lisa Drake springs off Hernandez and hooks her by the ankle and drags her back to the corner. She stretches her hand out expectantly as Leslie Hernandez struggles in her grasp. The crowd at the Silverdome bursts into cheers as they wait for their native child to be tagged in. The crowd explodes as Lisa slaps Nina's hand!
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"]
DR: And the Silverdome has exploded!
SS: You mean they've gone ~ape[bleep]~!
[Nina doesn't wait for the crowd. She doesn't acknowledge the cheers as she races forward and kicks Leslie Hernandez right in the ribs. Hernandez bounces right off the canvas with a shriek and clutches her ribs. Grimsson pulls her up to her feet and lines her up with hard kicks to the shins, forcing Leslie Hernandez down. A blistering kick sends Hernandez flying backwards. A trickle of blood leaks from the side of her mouth. Hernandez rolls to her side and spits out a gob of blood. The noise is deafening.]
SS: Blood!
DR: Nina forgoing any attempt at actual wrestling here. She's just pounding away at Leslie. She might just put her in the hospital next to her sister.
[Nina picks up Leslie and fires off more kicks to the legs. Hernandez starts to wobble.]
DR: Nina with stiff kicks. They're scoring a lot of damage, too.
SB: Wait a minute, I've been kicked by Nina before. She doesn't have that much impact behind her. She only weighs a buck. How is she hurting Leslie like this? Nobody checked her kicking pads, either!
AM: There's no proof that those boots are loaded!
SS: They're as loaded as the Frat Boys after... after... after...
DR: Got nothing?
SS: Nothing.
DR: Well, thank you, Sam. Never thought I'd see the day.
[Nina winds up and spins for a roundhouse kick to the head. The blow looks like its about to take Hernandez's head off... but Hernandez drops low into the splits. As Nina spins back around into a fighting stance, Hernandez lashes out with a low punch right to the pelvis. As Nina doubles over, Leslie flops onto her back and then suddenly kips up... snapping a kick straight across Nina's jaw sending her plummeting to the mat. "BOOOOO!"]
DR: Leslie Hernandez now with the advantage. And you can bet she's going to push it!
SS: Look at her face. She's got the Eye of the Tiger!
[Hernandez drags herself to her feet. Her jaw is set in a tight, cruel line. She wipes the blood from her lip and studies it. Her eyes narrow. She starts to blow and puff and shake and finally with an earsplitting shriek rushes forward and rains kicks to Nina's ribs and knees. Payback is a bitch. And so is the Latin SpitfireT. The crowd cries out in sympathy with every blow that lands as Nina curls up, covers up and tries to find an opening to reverse.]
SB: These Latins have notoriously hot tempers. And Leslie is about as stereotypical as you can get. All she's thinking about is revenge, right now. She's definitely not concerned about the titles.
[Hernandez picks her up by the hair, looking Nina dead in the eye. She spits in Nina's face before dancing back to charge forward with a wheel kick...]
DR: BLOCKED!
LH: [CENSORED!]
YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!
[The crack of shin on shin as Nina gets her kickguard up sends Hernandez hopping on one foot. She fires off more muy thai kicks aimed at the legs and body, but Nina blocks some of them, causing Leslie even more pain as her lead leg starts to throb.]
SS: Now do you believe me that those kicks pads are loaded? A blocked kick is going to hurt so much?!?!?
SB: The ref has got to stop this and check those boots and Lisa's gloves. This is unfair.
DR: As Hernandez is dancing in pain Nina is making the tag to her partner. Here comes Lisa Drake.
[Lisa Drake dropkicks Leslie from behind putting her down on the mat. She and Nina grab Leslie by her hair and pull her up. DOUBLE KNIFE EDGE CHOPS IN THE CORNER! Leslie's skin blisters under the impact.
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"]
DR: Extreme Measures double-teaming Hernandez. She's been in there for a while now. And Angel hasn't moved on the apron.
SS: When she does it's going to be hell to pay!
[The referee's best efforts to break up the double team are thwarted as Lisa and Nina work together to bring Leslie out of the corner themselves. Each one hooks an arm and launches Leslie skyward. Explosive cheers.]
DR: DOUBLE BEAL TOSS! Leslie landed hard after that manoeuvre.
SS: Yeah, but she's right back up. She's full of fight!
[Nina flattens Leslie with the sole of her boot flush on Leslie's jaw. Leslie staggers, trying to cover up as a sidekick and hook kick batter her rib cage. Nina grabs Leslie for an Irish whip and sends her to Lisa Drake in the corner. OHHHHHHH!]
DR: Leslie Hernandez leaping at Drake with a flying forearm!
SB: Drake was totally caught off guard! Leslie nearly knocked her into the other ringpost!
DR: Here comes Nina charging up from behind!
SS: I think Leslie knows she's there!
[With Drake knocked down to the floor. Leslie leaps up in a handstand and double kicks the charging Nina straight in the nose. Blood gushes as Nina drops like a shot. Leslie drops to the canvas, dragging herself along. Nina stumbles after her, but catches her by the ankle too late as Leslie makes the tag. BOOOOO!]
SS: Here... we... go.
SB: Payback time.
AM: I told you this won't be good.
DR: Angel's face has not changed expressions as she steps into the ring. But she goes straight to work. She looks like she's in a trance there!
SS: She's Vyolynce's sister. They've got that same crazy blood in them.
[A sidekick bends Nina over and then Angel delivers a sweet standing dropkick to the side of the head. Nina hits the mat hard, trying to shake the cobwebs loose. Angel rips her to her feet by the hair. She rears back and HEADBUTTS Nina in her bloody nose. She rears back again and another HEADBUTT finds its mark. A back elbow sends Nina staggering.]
DR: Lucky for Nina that Angel took that mask off.
SB: She needs the nose job anyway.
SS: She's going to need a lot more than a nose job when this is all said and done.
[Nina's desperation kick is blocked and Angel whips Nina to the mat, scuttling her over and settling into a half crab. Lisa Drake rushes in to try break up the move, but this only allows Hernandez to come in and stand on Nina's back as she reaches down and pulls Nina's neck. Nina screams out in pain.]
DR: You have to believe the Furies don't care about the submission here. C'MON NINA! NINA!
SS: Of course not. They just want to hear bones crack!
DR: Now the referee sees Leslie and tries to usher her out of the ring.
SB: And Drake takes her opening.
[Lisa Drake charges Angel. A big clothesline sends Angel ~FLYING~ over the top rope. HURRAHHHHHH! Lisa's momentum takes her right over with her as the two competitors crash to the floor. Nina lies stunned in the ring. Hernandez rushes in and grabs her by the back of her tights, tossing her to the floor.]
DR: We've got all four competitors outside the ring! This is going to get a lot uglier before it gets better. There are no rules out there!
SB: State the obvious, Rogers.
[The four wrestlers tear into each other. The referee is pleading with them to bring the match back in the ring. Angel grabs Lisa and rams her head into the ringpost. Nina and Leslie slug it out by the announcer's table. Angel tries an Irish whip, but Lisa reverses it. Angel drops down and takes Lisa down with a drop toe hold. Lisa's head bounces off the announcers table. She claws for a bottle, desperate to gulp the precious fluid inside.]
"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"
SS: A water break now?
[Angel grabs her from behind.]
DR: And Lisa Drake spitting water into the eyes of Angel!!!!
SB: Oh Lord, that isn't water. You smell that? That was white vinegar!
So far it's been Extreme Measures cheating at every turn!SS: Lisa! You got the wrong girl! Sierra says it's Nina that needs the douche!
AM: I'm warning you, Sam!
DR: Folks, Angel's blind out there.
[Angel claws at her face, trying to wipe the vinegar out of her eyes. Lisa measures her and crumples her with a chopblock. With Angel down on the ground, Lisa scoops her up, tilting her upside down and backwards across her back. The crowd is cheering in anticipation of the move.]
DR: No... not the Vertebreaker! If she hits this Angel will suffer a broken neck!
SS: Clear more beds at the hospital. Sabbat Justice is going to be taking up a lot of space.
[Angel frantically kicks at the back of Drake's head. Drake stumbles forward and Hernandez comes flying out of nowhere with a clothesline. Angel is pancaked underneath Drake's body as Drake's head snaps back. The unbalanced weight on her back sends her crashing hard onto the floor. NOOOOOOO!]
DR: This is a trainwreck!
SB: Hernandez didn't just save the match right there. She saved Angel's life!
SS: Yeah and now it's time for some payback. Leslie's got Drake locked up from behind. Can you say "Purification?"
AM: But Drake's trying to reach something in her tights.
[Hernandez pins Drake's arms as Angel staggers into position. She lifts her glove. Drake is struggling to break free, but it looks like she's got something in her hand. Nina staggers into Hernandez from behind, pulling her away.
WHOOOOOOOSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!]
SS: FIREBALL!
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"]
DR: Ladies and gentlemen... I don't know how to describe what we just saw. It was an explosion. Somehow that fireball just blew bigger than anybody expected!
SB: It was Drake! She threw some powder into the fireball, but she wasn't far enough away.
SS: I know that smell. It's gunpowder! Lisa Drake threw gunpowder at Angel! She knew that fireball was coming and she threw gunpowder to try to kill Angel with it!
SB: Well, it looks like everybody's dead now.
[Nina and Hernandez are down on the ground. Drake is down. Angel is down. The air stinks of gunpowder and brimstone. Angel is the first to her feet. She wobbles unsteadily. Her burnt, ash-streaked face still betrays no emotion. She grabs Nina. Only the slightest hint of a smile flickers across her lips as she locks Nina's neck! The crowd is pleading for it to stop.]
DR: HEADHUNTER!!!! Right on the floor!
SB: Ouch, goodbye Nina.
SS: That'll leave you a neck shorter than normal.
[The referee forces Angel back into the ring. She pulls Nina in after her. On the outside, Hernandez and Drake tangle. Drake gets in a low knee and snaps Hernandez down with a DDT. She staggers onto the apron. The crowd keeps booing.]
DR: LOOK OUT, LISA!
SS: Angels have wings!
[Angel sails through the air and crashes into Lisa Drake with a beautiful tope. Drake flies off the apron, cracking the back of her skull against the dasherboards.]
SB: Lisa Drake's out of the match now. Nina's got to fight by herself.
AM: It looks like Jessica got her way. Extreme Measures won't get past the Furies let alone have enough left to fight four other tag teams.
SS: I love it! I love it! I love it!
DR: Angel now looks ready to finish things off. She wants to make an example of Nina in front of her hometown fans!
SB: Angel looks a lot dazed after that flying headbutt, though.
[Angel staggers forward with a kick. Nina ducks...]
DR: HEADHUNTER!
["NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"]
SS: Angel wanted her to duck that kick! It put her right into position!
SB: [clapping] I think Tigress is a jackass, but Angel, you've impressed me! You really have! Now pin her!
AM: She doesn't want to pin her!
[The second Headhunter puts Nina down on the mat. But Angel still will not cover. She goes outside the ring again and grabs Drake. The crowd is now throwing things into the ring.]
DR: What's the point of this?
SS: Haven't you been watching? This is payback!
[Angel gets to her feet as Angel Irish whips Drake into the ringpost. Drake's head cracks into the post. As it rebounds Hernandez superkicks her right back into the post!]
DR: LISA DRAKE HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT!
[OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]
SB: [fuming] They stole that move from me. I did it to Officer May Order in the Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance in May of 1996. That move won me my first title. It also put Order out with a concussion! The Furies may win this match, but they're nothing but thieves!
SS: Hey, champ. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery! That just ended the match right there.
AM: And you have to imagine that Jessica is laughing somewhere right now.
DR: Don't celebrate Furies because here comes Nina!
SS: PLANCHA!
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Nina lands on both members of Sabbat Justice, wiping them out. She drags up Angel, rears back and snags her with the Marine Throat Lock.]
SB: She's on pure adrenaline.
DR: Nina maintaining the hold. Oh no! Look out!
AM: Nina nailed Angel with the Dragon Spike!
SB: And Angel didn't block it!
SS: And Nina's got loaded boots!
[The kick to the chest collapses Angel. Nina spits on her fallen foe. But she doesn't have any time to celebrate. Leslie Hernandez grabs her by the throat. TIGER TRAP on the floor! That kills the crowd.]
DR: Leslie Hernandez using Tigress' finisher on Nina Grimmson! Nina struggling not to black out!
SB: Do it in the ring! Advance!
[The referee is out, pulling at Leslie's arm. She is psychotic. Snarling, shrieking, spitting. She refuses to let go of the hold. The ref pulls at her arm. Hernandez shrieks.]
LH: ¡La venganza es mía! ¡Esto es para mi hermana!
SS: You don't ever mess with family, Dave!
[The ref continues to pull at her.]
LH: ¡La venganza es mía! ¡Esto es para mi hermana!
SB: She's calling out to Tigress! Nina may think she's bad, but Leslie is bad. She's got exactly what she wanted a chance to hurt Nina and Lisa Drake!
[The ref shoots her another warning.]
AM: Somebody stop this! Please!
LH: ¡La venganza es mía! ¡Esto es para mi hermana!
DR: Leslie Hernandez not releasing the hold! Nina's neck has been destroyed by those Headhunters. And now the Tiger Trap! She's not even fighting any more! She's out!
AM: Do something ref!
SB: She'll kill Nina for her sister!
[Finally the referee calls for the bell. Leslie still won't release.]
DR: Security! We need security out here!
[On cue, security rushes out from the back and pours down to the ring to pull Hernandez off Nina. Leslie refuses to let go. They pull at her, trying to get her off. Finally, Hernandez lets Nina fall to the canvas with a sickening thud. She stands over her, spitting down into Nina's face.]
LH: ¡La venganza es mía, puta sucia!
DH: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this bout as a result of a disqualification...
EEEEEEEEEEEEEXTRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEME MEEEEEAAAAAAASUUUUUUUUURES!
[The crowd doesn't cheer the announcement. They are stuck in a hushed silence. Terrified for Lisa and Nina's safety.]
SB: Those are the winners?
[Security forces the Furies back up the ramp. Nina and Lisa Drake are out on the floor. The Furies are a bloody mess. The shoulder their way to the back when the music hits.]
# Whoa! (Whoa!) Whoa! (Yeah) #
# Aiyyo Tim man this the jump off right here man! (Jump off!) #
# Whoa! (Whoa!) Whoa! (Whoa!) Whoa! (It's Queen Bee nigga) #
# It's the jump off (Come on) #
[The fans pop as "The Jump Off" By Lil Kim and Mr. Cheeks begins to play. The curtains part and The Love Sisters, Leanna and Lolita, stand atop the entrance ramp. Leanna wears a blue, silk robe, open to reveal a white, tank top and navy blue, judo pants. She also wears navy blue, kicking pads and matching, Asics, tennis shoes. Her strawberry blonde hair falls past her shoulders. Meanwhile, Lolita wears a white, baby doll T-shirt and blue, denim, Daisy Duke shorts. She wears blue, Asics tennis and her blonde hair falls straight down her back. The two women survey the crowd before making their way down the aisle.]
# I been gone for a minute now I'm back at the jump off (Jump off) #
# Goons in the club incase somethin jumps off #
# And back up before the hive let the pump off #
# In the graveyard is where you get dumped off #
# All we wanna do is party (Woo!) #
# And buy everybody at the bar Bacardi (Woo!) #
# Black Barbie dressed in Bulgari #
# I'm tryin to leave in somebody's Ferrari #
# Spread love that's what a real mob do #
# Keep it gangsta look out for her people (For her people) #
# I'm the wicked bitch of the east, you better keep the peace (Aiyyo!) #
# Or out come the beast #
# We the best still there's room for improvement #
# Our presence is felt like a Black Panther movement #
# Seven quarter to eights back to back with 'em (Back to back) #
# And I'm sittin on chrome seven times platinum #
[As they walk down the aisle, Leanna's face is serious, her blue eyes never wavering from the ring. By contrast, Lolita is all smiles, slapping every hand that she can. The sisters high-five one another until they see the carnage. Leanna removes her robes, tossing them aside. Nina is out. Drake is out. And the EMTs are heading down to ringside to pull out Lisa Drake.]
# This is for my peeps, with the Bentleys, the Hummers, the Benz #
# Escalades twenty three inch rims (Oh!) #
# Jumpin out the Jaguar with the Timbs, keep your bread up #
# And live good, East coast West coast worldwide #
# All my playas in the hood stay fly #
# And if your ballin let me hear you say right (Right) #
SS: All they have to do is pick up the pieces.
DR: Lisa Drake being taken to the back to be examined. And they've left Nina out there to fend for herself.
AM: Why not take them both? They're both hurt!
DR: I smell the fingerprints of Jessica "Fatality" Marshall all over this.
SS: I've gotta agree! She wants Extreme Measures hurt and hurt bad!
SB: Leanna and Lolita are the luckiest wrestlers in this. They don't have to work for this match. The two deadliest teams are eliminated. All they have to do is play it smart and they should do all right.
[Leanna and Lolita look at the carnage at ringside. Lolita looks lost. But her big sister certainly isn't. It only takes her a minute to assess the situation. Lisa Drake has been taken to the back. That leaves only Nina at ringside and she appears unconscious. Leanna orders Lolita to get Nina in the ring.]
SB: Leanna showing that she knows what this is all about.
DR: Huh?
SB: She's taking advantage of Nina. And she's making her sister do the dirty work. Lolita Love has no killer instinct no matter what she says. Leanna's going to force her to learn. Love is a fine product of LEW. I made her what she is today.
DR: Amy, I think you're right. It is getting a little crowded around here with Sierra and her ego.
SS: Here we go with the cover. This will be short work.
[Leanna stands over Nina, dropping into position for the cover.]
DR: Oklahoma Roll?!?! Where did Nina find the energy?
ONE!
SS: She's got her pinned!
TWO!
["NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"]
SB: Leanna, you're a disgrace to the LEW!
DR: Leanna gets the shoulder up!
[Leanna just kicks out. She stomps on Nina, dragging her up to her feet. She whips her hard into the corner and takes Nina's head off with a roundhouse kick. Nina crashes to the mat.]
SB: Just finish this one.
DR: Leanna tagging in Lolita. Again, it appears Leanna is forcing Lolita to get her hands dirty.
SS: I wouldn't mind getting Lolita's hands dirty. I'd love to see them covered in my....
DR: Sam!
SS: Sorry, did I space?
[Lolita whips Nina into the ropes!]
DR: REVERSAL!
[Lolita comes off the ropes flying. She leaps onto Nina's shoulders.
DR: VICTORY ROLL!
ONE!
TWO!
[Nina barely fights off the Victory roll. She is covered in blood. She is barely conscious.
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"]
SB: Nina can't have anything left in her! She can't! She's done! Finished!
DR: Lolita scrambles over for the tag. The Loves tagging in and out quickly.
[Leanna drags her up. A European uppercut straightens Nina up. Another leaves her wobbling on her feet. Finally a boot to the gut puts her in position.]
All: LOVE BOMB!
SB: And Lolita off the top!
SS: SENTON BOMB!
[Lolita smushes Nina with a flying senton as soon as Nina hits the mat. Leanna drops down for the cover.
1!
2!
3!?!]
DR: Nina kicks out again!
AM: She's amazing.
["NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"
"NINA! NINA! NINA! NINA!"]
SS: Even I'm impressed. I don't know how she's escaping like this! This is incredible.
SB: She ain't that good.
[Leanna looks on in disgust. She bounces off the ropes. LOVE TAP!]
SB: Yeah! Yeah! I'm digging that! I'm digging the Love Tap! Now finish her, Leanna!
DR: They're going for that Love Bomb/Senton combo again.
AM: It's been a great ride, Extreme Measures. But I guess you just can't beat Jessica.
SS: Hey, Amy, I've got something for you to beat.
AM:...
[One more time she sets her up for the ride. LOVE BOMB! Flying Senton by Lolita. Leanna wraps up Nina for the pin and this time it's academic.
1!
2!
3!
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of this match and advancing... THE LOVE SISTERS!
[The Loves are surprised by the boos they receive as hometown girl Nina Grimmson is defeated.]
DR: And now our EMTs are out for Nina Grimmson. The Love Sisters are hugging in the ring and discussing strategy. Ladies and gentlemen, Nina Grimmson and Lisa Drake put up a great fight, but this whole tournament was set up to cost them their titles.
SS: Jessica's plan worked. We'll crown new champions tonight.
AM: Last year, Lisa Drake and Nina Grimmson took months off to recover from their injuries in the Tokyo Death Match. Will this year be the same?
SB: I guess Gold Rush isn't a good pay-per-view for them. Who cares, they're done. Bring on the next team!
DH: Ladies and gentlemen, the fourth team to appear in the Queen of the Mountain tournament... weighing a combined 288lbs... and accompanied by one half of the Machines.... Simon O'Neal!
SS: The magnificent bastard!
DH: DONNA TEEEEEETREAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULT...
AND...
SAAAAAAATIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN SSSSSHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETSSSS!
[The opening guitar riff blares through the loud speakers. The lights begin strobbing a variety of different colors. As the words begin, Satin Sheets stands at the top of the ramp. Donna Tetrault stands next to her, ignoring the crowd as Simon O'Neal whispers in her ear. On the unitron, images of Satin Sheets in various outfits and situations flash on the screen. Always with a smile...]
# American Woman, stay away from me #
# American Woman, mama let me be #
# Don't come hanging around my door #
# I don't wanna see your face no more #
# I got more important things to do #
# Then spend my time growing old with you #
[Satin makes her way down to the ring as the instrumental part plays, struting down the ramp. She smiles, looking around to the fans, playing up to the crowds pops, hooting, hollering, and chants.]
SB: I thought there were supposed to be no ex-wives!
DR: I don't think Sheets ever married O'Neal.
AM: No, I think they spent all their time pretending they were married.
SS: You mean he drank beer and watched women's beach volley ball while she got fat and grew a moustache?
AM: [sigh] Something like that, Sam.
SB: Who's that at the top of the ramp?
SS: Is every woman in the promotion here?
[Sam is referring to Comedy and Melody who have arrived. Comedy is armed with an airhorn, some popcorn, binoculars and a marker. She lifts the binoculars to her eyes to watch the match up close.]
AM: Everybody wants to put in an appearance.
DR: The Harlequins looking to re-unite. They want an up-close look at this match.
SB: More people trying to steal the spotlight.
[Donna gives way as Satin Sheets starts out the match.]
DR: Satin Sheets with more experience. The rookie backing off.
SB: Exactly, Tetrault. Just stay out of the way.
DR: The relationship between O'Neil and Tetrault is interesting. It seems he's trying to school her in the ways of the bastard. But I don't know if she's a willing participant.
SS: She'll learn if she wants to win!
AM: I'd advise every woman out there not to try anything Simon O'Neil offers.
SB: Sounds like personal experience.
AM: We'll chat, girlfriend.
[Sheets and Leanna circle each other cautiously. They are far more tentative than Extreme Measures and the Furies were. The crowd begins to boo the lack of action.
"BOOOOOOO-RINGGGGGGGGG! BO-RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"]
SB: They're doing the right thing in ignoring the fans. These people want blood. You want a title. You've got to put your goals ahead of the others.
DR: I might be inclined to agree, but the crowd still wants some action.
SS: Me too. Any of you girls biting?
SB: Sorry, I don't do bite-sized snacks.
SS: Believe me, sweetie, I got enough to feed the needy.
SB: Then talk to Amy. I'm not needy. I'm greedy.
AM: Don't even think about it, Sam.
[Leanna takes advantage of the crowd's distracting chant to lash out with a foot, striking Sheets with a muy thai kick. She kicks her again and again in the knee and thigh area, bringing Sheets down to one knee. Ordinarily this would be a good thing, but Satin Sheets is particularly good on her knees.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]
SB: I felt that!
DR: Satin Sheets with a blatantly low blow. That stopped Leanna Love cold.
[FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Comedy lets off a blast from her airhorn that shocks the crowd.]
AM: That is going to be annoying.
[The sucker punch to the ovaries is enough opening for Sheets to scramble to her feet and drive Love into the mat with a bulldog. Her positioning was unusually bad, however, because she brought Love down near Lolita. Leanna immediately tagged out as Lolita scrambled into the ring. The younger Love gets some wolf-whistles from that Lolita set.]
SS: Do those low blows hurt you as much as they hurt us men?
SB: More.
SS: Really?
SB: Our parts are more delicate.
SS: The things you learn.
DR: [clearly embarrassed] There is a new match up in the ring. Lolita Love and Satin Sheets stalking each other. Satin Sheets the fresher of the two because Lolita has already wrestled a match.
SS: That was a cakewalk, Dave. Both these wrestlers are fresh.
DR: Lolita flashing those high kicks.
SB: Bad mistake. You start kicking low and then work your way up. She's leaving herself wide open.
[Lolita learns her lesson about high kicks. She goes high and Sheets goes low. Sheets nails a viciously low shot to Lolita, dropping the young love to the mat, clutching her groin. Satisfied, Sheets struts to her corner.
OWWWWWWW!
Comedy holds up a sign: LADIES, WEAR YOUR CUPS TOO!]
SS: Clean up duty time for Tetrault. Even a rookie can't mess this up.
DR: Tetrault not rushing to press her advantage. She isn't as free-spirited as the former Throbbing Mattress Kitten. Simon O'Neal telling her to go to work. Why is she listening to him?
SS: Sven-jali effect.
SB: Sven_gali_.
SS: What did I say?
AM: Sven_jail.
SS: That doesn't even make sense.
DR: No, indeed not.
[Tetrault is more cautious. She looks for a moment to O'Neal for some motivation before she moves in on the fallen Lolita. She grabs her legs, splits them apart. The crowd cheers for this pose, before she drops an elbow to Lolita's inner thigh. She drops another elbow and then a third before she spins to her feet and cinches in a step-over toe hold.
"BO-RINGGGGGGGGG! BO-RINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!"
Comedy sign: SOMEONE... GET THE MUD!]
DR: This crowd is just not into the offence of Satin Sheets and Donna Tetrault at all. And their jeers are definitely rattling the rookie.
SB: She's weak of the mind. Satin Sheets would have been better off with me in her corner.
DR: You're not in the match.
SB: No, because of UWF politics. They don't want to be shown up by the LEW's best wrestler.
[O'Neal gestures at the crowd to shut up as Tetrault abandons the step-over toe hold and immediately yanks Lolita to her feet. She pulls her head back by the hair and tests Lolita's chin with a big right hand that sends her crashing to the ground. Small claps.]
DR: Tetrault clearly with the strength advantage. She's scoring with those hands.
SS: I'd like to score on Lolita myself.
AM: You're such a pig.
SS: I ams what I ams, darling.
[As soon as Lolita bounces back up Tetrault sends her crashing down with another right hand. Lolita bounces back up.]
DR: Lolita just won't go down and stay down!
AM: Don't you say anything, Sam!
SB: That's why you should only deal with mature women, Sam.
[The third right hand misses everything as Lolita ducks and counters with a right of her own. Showing unusual fisticuffs Lolita keeps throwing hands until Tetrault ducks a punch, gets behind Lolita and delivers an atomic drop that sends Lolita dancing in pain. Boos rain down from above.]
DR: Big atomic drop. And that had to send a jolt all the way up Lolita's spine.
SB: She won't be sitting on any old men's laps for candy any time soon.
SS: Riiiiirrrrrrrrrr. Oooh, catty.
AM: What is with men and catfights?
DR & SS: Ooooh, catfight!
AM: You just missed Leanna Love.
SB: Yeah, Love saw her opportunity and snuck in with a thrust kick to the back of the head!
[Tetrault hits the mat hard. She scrambles to her feet, going after Leanna only to leave the back of her head exposed as Lolita comes off the ropes.]
DR: YESSSSS! Beautiful enzuigiri kick!
SB: Right on the external occipital protuberance. That'll knock you out. Tetrault isn't used to tag-teaming obviously. She can't watch both competitors at the same time.
SS: You do need eyes in the back of your head in this type of match.
[The enzuigiri knocks Donna loopy. Lolita prances a little bit before dropping an elbow to the back of Donna's head. She drops another elbow. But instead of following up she sticks to the battle plan and makes a quick tag.]
DR: Another quick tag brings a fresh Love into the ring.
SS: Hot fresh love.
SB: Is it a rule that colour commentators just don't get any?
SS: Yes.
DR: Leanna with some hard judo chops to the chest. She backs Donna into the ropes. O'Neal yelling at Donna to pull her hair or do something. Donna shakes her head 'no.'
SS: And gets whipped off the ropes because she wouldn't listen!
[Donna rebounds hard off the Irish whip to be doubled-over by a dangerously low spinning back elbow. Leanna doesn't give her a moment's rest. She drops Donna on her head with a DDT and leaps on top for the cover.
1!
2!
The fans start to cheer. They switch to boos mid stream.]
DR: THAT WAS THREE!
SS: Do you hear a bell?
DR: No.
SS: Then it wasn't three.
SB: Simon O'Neal saved his protégé. Beautiful timing to pull Leanna out of pinning position.
AM: Bastard.
[Simon O'Neal makes a great show of holding his hands up in the air as if anyone thinks the bastard is innocent. He walks away, his job done as Donna struggles to her feet, watching him for instructions.]
SB: Think on your feet! This is why I'm not in the tournament? Tetrault, if you wanted to win you should've got me as your partner then tagged out permanently. Satin's better off fighting this match alone!
DR: That Svengali effect Sam was talking about earlier.
[The best instruction is look out as Leanna comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick that sends Donna crashing to the mat. Leanna scoops her up over her shoulders and drops down with a Samoan drop... only to have Tetrault reverse it into the Rings of Saturn!]
SB: Oh yeah, nice counter. Finally!
AM: Maybe she does have some independence in her. She's wrestling and it's working for her.
DR: That painful submission locked in, ripping at Leanna's shoulders. We could see a submission here.
SB: No way Leanna gives up to this. She's too determined. She's just having some energy sapped, but she won't tap.
DR: You sound almost like you admire Leanna Love.
SB: I had the greatest match of my career against her in the LEW. Ask her about it. We shook up the world!
AM: What is Satin up to?
[Sheets drops off the apron and skips over to Lolita's corner. She yanks Lolita off the apron to slam her jaw against the edge of the mat. She spins Lolita around and right in front of that front row of horny frat boys that always get front row seats she applies... THE CLEAVAGE!
FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
"SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS!"
"SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS!"
"SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS!"
"SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS! SATIN SHEETS!"]
SS: HLA! HLA!
SB: This is a wrestling move?
[Comedy sign: IS IT MONDAY ALREADY?]
SS: If you have the body for it.
SB: You know, I've been holding back on those slaps.
SS: Sorry.
DR: I gave up on trying to get order restored to this broadcast a long time ago... and I'm not talking about what's going on in the ring.
[The frontrow is going crazy at the sight of a human head buried in Sheets' ample bosom. The only person who doesn't want to be there is Lolita as Satin tries to put her out.]
DR: As unorthodox as it may be, this is an effective hold. Satin Sheets with some apartment style wrestling.
SS: Why would you want to escape this hold?
DR: Isn't it obvious?
SS: No.
[Inside the ring, Leanna struggles to pull one arm free from the Rings of Saturn. Donna holds onto the remaining armbar as Leanna struggles to inch her way to the ropes.]
SO: Hair! Hair!
SS: Exactly, listen to him! Listen to him!
[Donna seems hesitant as Leanna's fingers stretch for the bottom rope. Finally, she gives in, pulling Leanna's hair to get her back from the ropes and back into position. O'Neal applauds and points his index finger to his temple.]
DR: Donna once again reluctant to follow Simon's advice to cheat.
SS: Simon's way is the best way. It got Leanna back into the Rings of Saturn hold. Now Leanna's getting torn apart. She needs those arms to compete.
[On the outside Satin Sheets has released Lolita Love and springs back up onto the apron, ready for the tag. The crowd boos as Lolita lies dazed and semi-conscious on the floor.]
SS: Lolita, you've been places where I can only dream to go.
SB: I wouldn't make that trip if I were you. All that silicone can't be good for a body.
DR: There's a match going on here. Leanna Love is trying to break free of the Rings of Saturn. We're at a pivotal point in this bout. Will Love tap out?
SB: Tune in next week on "As the World Turns." You think I'm worried at all by that? I told you. Leanna took me to my limit on a supercard. You think that a rookie's Rings of Saturn is going to do her in?
DR: She's fighting back right now!
[The crowd rumbles in approval. Leanna manages to get her feet set and roll backwards, rolling Donna into a pinning predicament with a great bridge.]
DR: Beautiful reversal!
[1!
2!
BOOOOOOOOO!]
DR: DAMN YOU SIMON O'NEAL!
SS: Once again the Machine saves the day. He broke up that bridge pretty good and saved Donna Tetrault.
SB: If she would just listen to him wholeheartedly she wouldn't be having jitters on the second biggest stage in the game.
DR: Second biggest?
SB: If I'm not on it, how can it be the biggest stage?
SS: She got you there.
AM: Sometimes Sierra you really can amaze me.
SB: Girlfriend, that really doesn't surprise me at all.
[Leanna drags herself to the ropes, looking to pull herself to her feet. Meanwhile, Sheets is calling for the tag. Lolita is in rough shape on the outside. Donna hesitates a moment and then tags out.]
DR: Donna giving way to Satin Sheets.
SS: Now stay out on the apron and let a real wrestler work! I want to see the Flaming Orgasm! Or more Cleavage! Yeah!
[Sheets scoops up Leanna and drops her throat first across the top rope. She rolls up Leanna as soon as she hits the mat.
1!
2!
3!]
DR: SHE GOT HER!
SB: What match are you watching?
[The crowd sighs in appreciation at the escape. Leanna just gets the shoulder up in time. Sheets stays on the advantage, pulling her up and snapmaring her down to splash Leanna's face with her cleavage to a big cheer. She maintains the smother on Leanna until Leanna breaks the hold with an earringer.]
SS: That'll have you dizzy.
DR: A great counter to the Cleavage. Leanna shifting defence to offence.
[Leanna sweeps Satin's legs out from under her with a beautiful roundhouse legsweep. Leanna staggers forward and drops an elbow to the chest. She holds Satin's chin and leaps, driving a knee to Satin's chest again, eliciting a yelp from Sheets and a stream of boos from the fans. Well, the male fans, anyway.]
SS: Don't hurt those! What's wrong with you people!
SB: Do I see leakage?
AM: I hope not. We're not covered for flood insurance.
DR: Leanna Love sticking to the Love sisters obvious gameplan. Quick tags. Now Lolita is in.
[Lolita comes into the ring over the top rope with a catapult senton bomb, landing across Satin's back. Leanna grabs Sheets into a camel clutch and Lolita comes off the ropes with a baseball slide right into the jaw. NICE!]
SB: That was a nice double team. They are officially my favourites to win it all!
DR: That remains to be seen, but the Love sisters are pressing their advantage.
AM: What's going on with Donna Tetrault?
[Donna drops to the floor while Simon O'Neal shouts instructions at her. He hands her a chair. Donna holds it clumsily. O'Neal gestures to the ring before hopping onto the apron.]
DR: Simon O'Neal instructing her to use the chair. Donna looks like the decision has her in pain!
SS: Don't be such a wimp. Brain those Loves!
[Donna looks reluctant, but she climbs onto the apron, chair in hand. Meanwhile, Lolita is bombarding Sheets with a series of kicks in the corner that have her reeling. O'Neal seizes the opportunity to protest. He draws the referee away and signals Donna to move in. Donna hesitates, takes a deep breath, and slides into the ring, chair in hand.]
DR: No Donna, don't do it! Don't descend to his level!
SS: Do it! Do it! Do it!
[The problem with swinging a steel chair is this. You have to be determined you're going to do it, because holding a steel chair in front of your face makes a pretty tempting target if you're slow or hesitant. And that steel chair is a tempting target to Lolita Love who drives her leg straight back, kicking the chair into Donna's face. Donna drops like a rock.
_THWAAAAACK!_
YES!]
SS: Oh come on! What's wrong with her!
DR: She's a competitor! An honest competitor!
SB: She's finished.
[Sheets gets tossed right into O'Neal. The Loves pull up Donna. DOUBLE LOVE TAP!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!]SB: Told you.
AM: No way she gets up from that.
SS: You should have listened to Simon!
[The stereokicks have clearly knocked Donna out. Lolita rolls on top for the cover.
1!
2!
3!
HOOOOOOORAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!]
AM: That is really annoying.
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of this match and advancing in the Queen of the Mountain Tournament... the Love Sisters!!!
[Comedy and Melody celebrate the Love Sisters' win. Comedy tosses some popcorn at Donna and Simon as they make their exit.]
DR: Only three teams left for the Loves to beat. If they can make it they'll be the champions.
SS: No way they get past the next team.
SB: Who's up next?
DR: Sleek & Seductive.
SB: ...
SS: Sierra, you look mad about something.
SB: I hate these two more than words can say.
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... the fourth team in the Queen of the Mountain Elimination Tag Team match... weighing in at a combined two hundred and fifty-five pounds... they are "Tornado" Tara Smith and "Alluring" Arielle Starr...
SLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEK AAAAANNNNNDDDDDDD SEEEEDUCTIIIIIIIVE!
[Suddenly, "Music" by Madonna begins to play as the curtains part, revealing "Alluring" Arielle Starr. She confidently stands in the spotlight. The beautiful blonde stands with both hands firmly placed on her hips, basking in the cheers and applause of the fans. The supermodel wears a gold, sports bra and matching hot pants. She completes the look with gold, wrestling boots and her long hair falls to the small of her back in a cascade of delicate curls, framing her flawless face. She walks to ringside, slapping as many hands as she can along the way. The referee graciously opens the ropes for the blonde and she smiles back at him as she enters the ring. She mounts the second turnbuckle and waves out to the fans before perfoming a few stretches, preparing for the start of the match.]
SB: Ugh, they even get separate entrances? Man, they're prima donnas.
["Stand" by Motorhead plays as Tara makes her way to the ring, slapping and shaking hands with the fans. When she enters the ring, she climbs up to the top rope and backflips into the ring.]
SB: Leanna, you should have superkicked her teeth out right there!
AM: Where does this hostility come from?
SB: All these two is preen and prance and talk like they own the world. Their egos are disgusting. The whole world knows that Tara is my bitch and she likes to play like...
DR: But she did make the point that you have never beaten her one-on-one.
SB: Shut up, Rogers. Because I may not have pinned Tara yet. And I will, trust me on that, but I've coached Dalbello Rage into beating her for a title. And Marissa took the UWF championship from her. And she never beat me for a title, either, did she? I'm still LEW champion. So to Hell with that overrated bitch!
SS: Why don't you let us know how you really feel.
SB: I'm not in the mood to play, Sam.
DR: This match is underway!
[The two teams circle each other, all four members in the ring. Leanna strikes first, grabbing Tara's wrist. Lolita grabs Arielle.]
SB: You've been fighting so hard, Leanna! Beat these two! Beat them!
[Both members of Sleek and Seductive duck under the attempted clotheslines, but on the rebound the Loves level them with a pair of stereo superkicks. Tara hits the mat. Arielle rolls out to the floor.]
DR: The Loves are working well together! Beautiful tandem manoeuvres!
SB: Yeah, kick their teeth in!
AM: You're supposed to be a little impartial, Sierra.
SS: Don't listen to her, Champ. You say what you feel. Just don't hit me again, okay?
SB: I can't promise that.
[Leanna follows up the body slam with an elbow drop right to Tara's sternum. She hauls her up.]
DR: And those Judo chops have a lot of power behind them, but Tara's fighting right back!
SB: She can't feel those chops through all that silicone!
SS: Mmmmmmmm... silicone. Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!
[They slap each other's chest with judo chops and knife hands. Tara's knife edges seem to be getting through. Leanna's chest is bright red. Leanna adjusts her strategy a little, going from offence to defence.]
DR: Leanna Love pivoting inside. Beautiful hip toss breaks up that exchange.
SB: Leanna proving to be much smarter than Tara "Airhead" Smith.
[Tara spins up from the hip toss only to get caught in a bear hug. Leanna twists and flexes, popping those hips. OOOHHHHHH!]
DR: Big belly-to-belly. And Leanna is scoring the big moves early. She's wearing out Tara Smith. That's a smart strategy because Leanna and Lolita have been in there a long time now.
SS: Whoever wins this will know they've been in a match! It's been so long I almost forgot how the Furies damn near killed Extreme Measures.
SB: Another quick tag by the Loves. They're still relatively fresh.
[Lolita gets into the ring, waiting as Leanna whips Tara into the ropes. She catches her under the armpits on the rebound. The fans cringe at the impact.]
DR: SPIKED FLAPJACK!
[FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!]
SB: I HATE CLOWNS!
DR: Big move from the Loves!
SB: I can dig that! Yes, keep up the good work!
SS: Did you see how Tara Smith bounced off the mat! I'm starting to believe you Sierra that she's got something inflatable in there!
AM: Don't encourage her.
SB: I don't need it. You'll see how soft Tara Smith is. She doesn't want to work for anything. Leanna, tear her ankle off! She's hurt from trying to play with Marissa last night!
DR: That was a despicable attack. Tara can't be one hundred per cent going into this match, but she is a fighter. I don't care what you say. She is a fighter.
[Lolita snaps off a quick suplex. She drops a knee to Tara's leg and gets rewarded with a scream that gets cut off as Tara grits her teeth and bites her lip.]
SS: I think they heard you. Lolita took that hurt ankle right out.
DR: Tara grimacing in pain as Lolita forces Tara into the ropes. Cross-ring whip...
[Rebounding off the whip stretches out for the blind tag. Arielle slaps her hand. Tara expects Lolita to attack high, but she is not nimble enough to avoid the baseball slide that Lolita drives straight into her injured ankle. She plummets to the mat like a stone.]
SB: There was a tag! A tag!
SS: Lolita didn't see it!
[Lolita celebrates too much. Comedy sign: TURN AROUND.]
SB: Show some brains, Lolita! Stay on her! Don't just stand there and bounce around!
SS: Works for me!
DR: Lolita Love just gave away the advantage right there. Now she's in trouble. Arielle cinches her up!
[Arielle catches her from behind with a waistlock.]
DR: GERMAN SUPLEX!
OOOOHHHHH!
SS: And Lolita got dumped right on the back of her head! That should knock something loose!
SB: Another move stolen from me!
[She rolls through, keeping the grip.]
CRUNCH!
DR: GERMAN SUPLEX!
SS: She's going for a third!
SB: Is no idea original?
[She holds on...
DR: A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX! OUCH!
[FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!]
AM: That is really _REALLY_ annoying.
[Arielle pulls Lolita up and knocks her right back down with a spinning heel kick. She follows up with a snap mare and dropkick to the back of Lolita's head.]
SB: I can't watch this. This is making me sick. Why can't these Loves do anything right.
SS: Here comes Leanna to the rescue!
[Tara cuts off Leanna with a superkick. Her ankle barely holds her weight as she limps back to her corner.]
SB: You can't beat a one-legged woman?!?
DR: Apparently not. Tara Smith is much tougher than you ever give her credit for.
[Arielle presses her advantage with a dragon suplex that plants Lolita on the back of her neck. She bounces off the ropes, leaping into the air for the splash....
...and gets nothing but two knees right in the gut. The air rushes out of the crowd at the same rate it rushes out of Arielle.]
SS: That was a big-time counter. If Lolita got hit with that splash!
DR: This match might have been over. But Lolita now can press.
[Lolita presses her advantage with a quick DDT. She pulls Arielle up by the hair and whips her into Leanna.]
SB: YES! That's what I'm talking about!
DR: BIG CLOTHESLINE!
SB: I'd be tempted to drag Arielle into that other ring and just beat her up!
[The Loves tag off. Leanna sits on the top rope as Lolita climbs onto her shoulders. She leaps off...
WOWWWWWWWW!]
DR: DOUBLE STOMP!
SS: Arielle Starr's an "A" cup now.
AM: Shut up, Sam!
[Leanna follows up the double stomp with a Northern Lights suplex.]
ONE!
TWO!
OH!
[Arielle easily gets free. Leanna pulls her up and pounds her with more judo chops.
THHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"
THHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"]
SB: Beat the snot out of her!
[THHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"
Leanna whips Arielle across the ring.]
DR: Arielle drops her weight down and spins out of it!
AM: That was a great reversal!
[Tara _LEVELS_ Leanna with a top rope spinning heel kick. HEY! She pulls Leanna up, smiling a bit as she dishes out some punishment of her own.
THHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"
THHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"
FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
THHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
"WHOOOOOOOOO!"]
SB: Tara hits like a little girl. Come on, Leanna, fight back.
[A DDT drops Leanna straight on her head. That move generates applause.]
SS: Not exactly fighting back.
DR: Tara drops down for the cover!
[1!
2!
Lolita saves her sister, breaking up the pin. Leanna looks spent. Tara whips Leanna to the corner. DOUBLE HANDSPRING MULE KICK hits the mark. Tara goes up top again.]
DR: Are we seeing the set up for the end? Is she going to hit the Arizona Rattler?
SS: This could be it for the Loves' run.
[Her ankle gives out as she slips back down to the apron. Leanna staggers to her feet, stumbling towards Tara.]
SB: Yes!
DR: Leanna got lucky that Tara's ankle couldn't hold out. Leanna should tag out.
SS: She still wants to fight! Amazingly stupid!
[Tara drives a shoulder into her midsection. As Leanna folds over, Tara leaps over for the sunset flip.]
DR: Tara struggling to get Leanna over!
SB: Drop down, Leanna! Drop down!
[Leanna's hand flails for the top rope. She swings and misses. The energy in the Silverdome is building. Is this it? Is it?
Her hand flails for the second rope. She swings and misses.]
Audio squeal.]
AM: Where are you going?!?
[Tara makes one final determined pull and Leanna overbalances. She stumbles, falling backwards. Her hands flail, clutching... the fingers close...
...around Sierra Browne's. Leanna's balance restored, she drops straight down...
into a pinning position...
1!
2!
Tara tries to bridge out, but the ankle won't hold her.]
3!
BOOOOOOO!]
DH: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match...
THEEEEEEE LOOOOOOOVE SISTERSSSSSSSSSSS!
DR: Sierra Browne just robbed Tara Smith of a victory!
SS: It just goes to show you that Sierra was right. Tara is her bitch!
AM: And Sierra is hightailing it out of here as Arielle Starr complains to the referee about what happened.
TTS: Sierra! Sierra!
[Tara Smith hobbles up the ramp after Sierra Browne. As she passes Comedy, the Harlequin holds up a sign: SHE WENT THAT WAY. Arielle abandons her argument with the referee and goes to help. The look on Tara's face. Well, if looks could kill. She'd be serving 25 to life in a federal penitentiary. Back in the ring now, Leanna returns to her feet, her face still wide in shock over the unrequested assistance.]
DR: I would not want to be Sierra Browne after this. Tara Smith will be after her.
SS: Nah, Sierra's right. Tara's soft. She won't try anything against her. She didn't want to fight Monet. Why would she fight the Show?
DR: I pray for Sierra that you're right, because I've seen the Tornado get angry.
SS: I'm confident the Show can handle her.
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... introducing the next tag-team... first, coming down the aisle... the Lady known as Poison Bliss...
MYYYYYYRAAAAAAA BENEDICTTTTTTTT!
[The lights dim to almost pitch dark as a deep, low horn is heard, ushering in the fast paced introductory riff of My Dying Bride's "She Is The Dark". There is no movement at the entryway, but on further inspection, the faint silhouette of a woman can be seen. The deep horn returns as the introductory riff ends. As the main guitar riff of "She Is The Dark" kicks in. "Poison Bliss" Myra Benedict steps through the doorway and down the three steps to the stage, arousing a heel pop from the crowd. She wears a royal blue with black trimmed sports bra, a matching royal blue elbow pad on her left arm, and royal blue fingerless gloves on both hands. She also wears medium length, royal blue and black shorts. The black goes down the sides, as well as around the midsection and lower back like a belt. As well, Myra wears black knee pads and royal blue wrestling boots with black laces and trim. The boots reach to about three inches below her knee pads. She stands motionless on the stage, ignoring the crowd as dark eyes stare at the ring. Slowly she makes her way down to the ring, keeping an eye on the waiting, but tired Loves.]
DR: And who is her partner? She made a great show about finding somebody. Now she's just standing in the ring while the Loves try to regroup.
DH: And her partner....
[Comedy sign: PICK ME! PICK ME!]
[Myra points towards the entranceway. Is she picking Comedy? As Leanna and Lolita look on, Myra mows them both down with a double clothesline. She kicks Lolita in the face and throws her over the top rope to the floor.]
SS: Beautiful cheap shot!
DR: Wait a minute! Myra doesn't have a partner! She couldn't find anybody!
SS: Duh! She tricked everybody! She said she didn't like playing team sports. So she's going to hold the gold by herself!
AM: It's courageous.
SS: It's been done.
[The bear hug saps the strength from the exhausted Leanna Love. She flails weakly.]
DR: Myra using her strength. Can Leanna hold on?
SS: Does this move ever work?
[The ref checks her arm... It drops once....
It drops twice....
Myra seems to realize that this hold never works as and says to hell with it by way of an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Benedict stomps on Leanna's chest before picking her up for a hip toss with all her weight behind it. Boos from the crowd.]
DR: Myra scoring with a high impact power move! She is going for broke!
SS: She has to! She'll be fighting two handicap matches to win the titles!
DR: Myra throwing Leanna into the ropes. HIPTOSS SLAM!
[The modified powerslam steals more precious oxygen from Leanna.
1!
2!
Desperation kickout. Leanna barely got the shoulder up.]
DR: Myra so close there. I thought that was it.
AM: Now the length of the other matches is catching up to the Loves. They've expended a lot of energy in that ring. Myra might steal this match!
SS: Myra might kill Leanna!
[Myra stomps the mudhole and walks it dry. Only the mudhole is Leanna's face. She bounces off the ropes.]
DR: Up high for the leg drop! MISSED!
SS: That was a big miss. She could have finished her right there!
[Myra grimaces, clutching her hamstring. She stumbles forward and tries to pin Leanna to the mat with an elbow.
The elbow misses....]
AM: Leanna makes this tag and it's a whole new match!
[Leanna scrambles to her corner, tagging in Lolita. Lolita grabs the top rope and springboards into the ring, nailing Myra flush on the jaw with a thrust kick. HURRAYYYYYY!]
DR: Lolita striking fast! Can Myra keep up with the younger Love?
SS: I can't see it happening. She's too fast.
[Myra rebounds off the ropes. She ducks down and lunges forward.
SPEAR!
WOOOWWWWWWW!
Lolita is broken in half. Myra hoists her up.]
AM: Well, that's how you slow her down!
DR: Good God what impact! Poison Bliss just went right through Lolita!
SS: And she ain't finished. Suplex coming...
DR: JACKHAMMER SUPLEX!
[The crowd loved that combination!
"Myyyy-RA! Myyyy-RA!"
"Myyyy-RA! Myyyy-RA!"
"Myyyy-RA! Myyyy-RA!"
"Myyyy-RA! Myyyy-RA!"
1!
Leanna wastes no time. She pulls Myra off. Myra decks Leanna with a hard right hand.]
SS: What the hell is up with this crowd? They'll boo you one minute, cheer you the next!
AM: Gold Rush crowds are always hard to figure out. They just love a great match, which is most definitely what we're getting here.
[Lolita takes Myra out with a chopblock. She leaps up and delivers a big legdrop across the throat.]
SS: Lolita cheated! She's got to attack Myra from behind? I want to see Myra beat these two fair and square! Knock her down Myra! I want to see if little girls bounce!
[Little girls do bounce. Lolita misses the elbow drop completely as Myra rolls away. Poison Bliss gets up to her knees, tapping her forehead and smiling.]
AM: She has been showing me a lot of smarts in that ring.
SS: If she was really smart she would have found a partner. I'm beginning to agree with Sierra that there's a conspiracy. Why couldn't Marshall put Sierra in this match?
DR: Good question. Myra could use the help. Two wrestlers are more than a match for one at this level of the game!
AM: Myra sees an injury. She's going after it!
[She twists Lolita's arm into an armwringer and drags it down across her knee. Lolita screams at the impact.]
SS: All it takes is some pressure at the right place and BAM... a broken arm!
[Benedict follows up with a shoulderbreaker. Lolita's right arm dangles limply by her size. Is that shoulder separated?]
SS: Lolita's arm is hanging limp, but it doesn't look like the shoulder is separated. Lolita would be screaming her head off if that were the case.
DR: Well, Myra seems intent on breaking that shoulder. She's going right at her.
[Folding Lolita over, Myra throws her through the ropes straight into the second ring! Satisfied that Lolita has been eliminated she turns, scowling...]
DR: LOVE TAP!
AM: Where did that come from?!?
[Leanna uses her failing strength to get Myra into a standing headscissors. She clasps her hands under Myra's sternum. She hoists...]
DR: LOVE BOMB!
SS: HOLY [MEEP]!
[Lolita races the ropes and bounces off the top rope of the second War Games ring and springboards onto the top rope of the original ring. She uses the momentum to fly up and high, tucking and rolling into a ball!]
DR: SENTON BOMB!
[Melody lets off a sustained blast from her airhorn, celebrating the big move. Comedy sign: "Holy Sh!
t"1!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
2!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
3!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
_FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!_]
AM: You're right, Comedy. That move deserved a MEEP!
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... your winner and advancing to the final match of this is the team of Leanna and Lolita Love...
THE LOVE SISTERSSSSSSSSSS!
SS: I can't believe that I just saw that, Rogers!
DR: Lolita Love put it all on the line! I can't believe she completed that move!
AM: That move could have lost it all for her! The Loves move on! Can anybody stop them now?
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... the following match is the Finals of the Queen of the Mountain Match! The other finalists... from Bay Ridge, New York...
BLISS!
[We get a Japanese animation movie of an evil giant horned and winged robot flying towards Earth. As it prepares to attack, We get a shot of a giant female brunette robot flying towards the robot to do battle. Inside to female robot is a Japanese animation rendering of Bliss. Screaming something in Japanese, she pulls some controls and makes the robot pull out a sword. As the evil robot tries to attack, robot Bliss makes a slash and slices the evil robot right in two.
The evil robot explodes as "BLISS" in kanji letters flashes across the screen. "Feeling Aggressive" by Mystikal and Moby begins to blast across the arena as Bliss steps out from the back. She's wearing a black sports bra with a picture of a pitbull airbrushed on it. She also has on black tights that have chains airbrushed across them. Bliss finally acknowledges the crowd by turning towards them and smiling a bit when they give her a heel pop.
Her music fades out into "It's Going Down" by the Executioners.]
DH: And her partner, from Toronto, Canada... TARA "SUNBURST" MARSHALL...
THE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD SSSSSSSSSSSQUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
[TSM storms out from the back all smiles, as the athletic blonde walks down the ramp and hi-fives her tag team partner as they reach the halfway point to the ring. Tara is dressed in a pair of purple hotpants and white knee and elbowpads, plus a black sports bra with "Bod Squad 2K3" written along the back of it. They stop as the Love Sisters take a moment to regroup in the middle of the ring. Tara Marshall and Bliss share a devilish look with each other as if they are both thinking the same evil thought.
"It's Going Down" by the Executioners fades out. There's a moment of silence before...
"Corrupt" by Karissa Noel begins to play.]
# DENY ME IF YOU THINK YOU CAN #
# BUT I ALWAYS GET MY MAN #
# AND BEFORE THIS NIGHT IS THROUGH... #
[The original blonde bombshell, "EROTIC" ERIN MCCOYS steps out on top of the ramp to a large pop from the audience! This is the first time we've seen the blonde beauty in close to two years! And the crowd, amazingly enough, greets the young lady by singing the next line along with the music!]
# "I WILL CORRUPT YOU" #
FOR THE EROTIC ONE HAS RETURNED HOME.]
AM: IT'S ERIN MCCOYS! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS, ERIN MCCOYS HAS COME BACK!
SS: Erin McCoys is back to lead the Bod Squad? All bets are off now! This is the winning team right here!
[Erin spins around at the top of ramp, taking a long look over the audience and towards the ring. Even the Harlequin girls are shocked as hell to see Erin tonight, too shocked for Comedy to use the airhorn.
Erin obviously has missed her home very much. She soaks in the energy from the crowd and smiles down towards her Bod Squad sisters. Erin is dressed in a frayed short jean skirt with a white half shirt with pink trim with the phrase "BOD SQUAD" in pink sequined letters. She's also wearing a pair of the famous pink Manalo boots. Erin looks a bit different, her body is very trim, not as muscular and her hair is much longer, past her shoulders and curled. Erin walks towards Bliss and Tara and the three share a high five and a hug. The threesome make their way to the ring.]
AM: Erin has been at home for almost two years, still happily married to Brandon Matthews and taking care of their six-month old son Andrew.
DR: Amazing. Just amazing. The Bod Squad has become one of the dominant teams in the UWF. And now with their leader Erin McCoys at their head they'll be even more devastating!
SS: And this is for everything. This has been a long night for every team involved in this match. But it's almost over. We almost have new UWF champions.
DR: Bliss starting it off! She locks up with the tiring Lolita Love.
[Bliss doesn't hold the lock up for long, burying a knee straight into Lolita's stomach. Battered, Lolita slumps over as Bliss follows up with an elbow to the kidneys and another straight down across the back of Lolita's neck that floors her. The crowd is worn out with this match now.]
SS: See, this is where winning the Battle Royal comes in handy. Last night the Bod Squad survived to the end and got the last spot in the Battle Royal. They only have to pin the Loves. The Loves have been battered by four teams tonight!
DR: I have to agree with you, Sam! Bliss showing the advantages of being fresh right away! She's pressing the advantage, dropping knees to Lolita's kidneys. Irish whip... BIG DDT!
[Bliss spikes Lolita in the centre of the ring with a jumping DDT. The pin here is academic...
1!
2!
YES!]
SS: Leanna Love just saved the titles right there! That's the most important save of the match!
[Comedy sign: THAT WAS 3!
Enraged that Leanna stole the pin from her, Bliss irish whips Lolita hard into the corner. The ring shakes at the impact. Bliss charges in from behind for the splash....]
DR: Big miss! Here's Lolita's chance to make the tag! She's absorbed a lot of high impact moves! She needs a tag right now!
AM: And she's got it!
[As the crowd explodes for the thousandth time in this marathon, Leanna rushes in firing off quick kicks to the legs and midsection. She snaps off a few more kicks as Bliss tries to block and catch her leg. A pushkick sends Bliss stumbling back and Leanna shoots in for the leg.]
DR: Leanna reverting to her kickboxing skills. So many of our UWF women's competitors are so proficient in the martial arts!
SS: This is smart. It's easier for her to kick than to grapple. She gets to do damage while resting.
[Bliss starts to fight back, though. She swings a high sweeping kick at Leanna Love. It isn't nearly as efficient as Leanna's though. In fact, it hangs out there like a big lollipop as far as Leanna is concerned.]
DR: DRAGON SCREW!
SS: What did you say about Amy?
[SSSSSLAAAAAAP!]
DR: Leanna Love following up with a leg drop! She's got Bliss reeling!
Erin McCoys is beside herself!SS: Hey, do you know how bad it would be to lose to a tired team at this stage of the game with the tag team titles on the line?
[Bliss bails out of the ring, clutching her throat after the leg drop. She retreats the long way to her corner before climbing onto the apron and then ducking through the ropes long enough to make the tag.]
DR: Tara Marshall in now. And once again Leanna Love must face a fresh opponent while she feels a little tighter, a little more tired.
SS: That lactic acid is building up in her muscles. She's going to stiffen up and then it's over!
[Tara Marshall circles the tired Leanna Love. She feints forward and Love commits, answering with a straight kick that Tara brushes aside and decks her with a hard right hand.]
DR: Tara Marshall changing styles. She's inside Leanna's kicking range.
SS: The greatest of the Marshall girls!
AM: Excuse me?
SS: Prove me wrong, babe. Prove me wrong.
[The infighting is abruptly ended as Love sails over Tara's hip and lands hard after a hip toss. She bounces to her feet, clutching her tail bone. Sadly, her flight is not over as Tara locks her up from behind. OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!]
DR: How many times tonight have we seen that German suplex thrown? It is such a devastating manoeuvre.
SS: Wrestling goes in cycles. For a while in the early 80s a vertical suplex was a killer. Then in the late 80s the German suplex was a finisher as part of a pinning combination. Then in the early 90s people fell in love with the belly-to-belly suplex. Now in the new millennium the German suplex is back and people are delivering it better than ever!
[The carnage in the ring is clear as Leanna lies folded in half on her neck. Tara kicks Leanna flat onto her back and rolls across her for the cover.
1!
2!
The referee pauses the count. Is Leanna's shoulder up? He swipes his hand along the mat.
His hand passes cleanly underneath. Tara repositions, leaning back.
1!
2!
SS: Have we seen a three count? What's going on?
[Cut to: Melody's sign: What was that?
Leanna grabs a headlock and rolls her over into her own pinning combination.
1!
2!
Tara shifts her weight and gets back on top.
1!
2!
Leanna bridges back her headlock again. She gets all her weight under Tara's body now so she can't roll back. The shoulders are down...
1!
2!
SLAP!]
SS: TAG MADE! TAG MADE!
AM: And Leanna is the only one that didn't see it!
DR: Brilliant manoeuvre by the Bod Squad!
[Bliss viciously kicks Leanna in the head. She drags her up by the hair and fires off snapping kicks and crisp punches at the dazed Love in rapid succession. Leanna collapses back into the enemy corner as Bliss gets a head of steam, leaps onto Love's chest.]
DR: Monkey flip!
[Leanna lands in the middle of the ring. But Bliss springboards off the bottom rope.
SS: Low flying moonsault!
DR: Bliss is not finished. Here she comes again!
[She races to the middle rope....
DR: Moonsault off the second rope!
[Bliss leaps to her feet and charges the ropes again. She springboards off the top...
_FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!_]
DR: MOONSAULT OFF THE TOP!
ONE!
TWO!
SAVE BY LOLITA LOVE!
AM: YEAHHHHHHHHH!
SS: I take back my earlier comments. Lolita just made the biggest save of the night! That was a sure three count.
DR: I couldn't agree with you more.
[Lolita's joy is short-lived as Tara comes sailing off the top rope and wipes Lolita out. She tosses her from the ring.]
DR: Tara's eliminated Lolita Love now. Leanna Love is isolated in the ring. This is it! This is the Bod Squad's chance!
SS: And Erin McCoys is saying the same thing! She's screaming out instructions!
[Bliss picks Leanna up in a bear hug. Tara hits the ropes... rebounds... leaps...]
AM: That splash may have cracked Leanna's ribs.
[1!
2!
Lolita pulls Tara off just in time. As she crawls into the ring Tara grabs her in a sideheadlock. She runs to the corner up the ropes for a Tornado bulldog headlock...
DR: LOLITA THREW HER OVER THE TOP ROPES RIGHT INTO THE DASHERBOARDS!
SS: These Loves just don't go down! What will it take for the Bod Squad to put these two away?
[Bliss soon joins her partner on the outside as Lolita senses her coming and leaps, connecting with a hurricanrana. The look of sheer terror as Bliss completely clears the top rope is one of those visuals that will go down in the annals of the UWF!
_FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!_]
DR: That has to be the most athletic manoeuvre I've ever seen in the women's division!
SS: The Bod Squad missed its chance! Now the Loves are coming back!
[Lolita goes to town on Bliss, staggering her with a series of martial arts kicks. She measures Bliss and strikes out!]
DR: Lolita DECAPITATES Bliss!
[The thrust kick is rewarded with Bliss's head snapping back as she staggers into the ropes. She nearly goes through them before Lolita grabs her and whips her off the ropes, follows behind her!
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"]
DR: LOLITA LOVE IS AMAZING!
SS: Amazing?!? She's UN
[BLEEP]ING BELIEVABLE!
[_FEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!_
Somehow, Lolita bounced off the ropes behind Bliss, grabbed her in a side headlock from behind and BULLDOGGED her onto the top rope while landing on her feet on the outside! Quick as a cat, Lolita scrambles up to the top rope... SHE RUNS THE ROPES...
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"
"HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!"]
DR: SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT!
SS: OH MY GOD... What next?
[Lolita isn't finished. She grabs up Bliss from behind. Waistlock cinched in... she hoists her up for the German suplex...
CHOPBLOCK!
BLISS IN ON TOP!
1!
2!
The air rushes out of the crowd!]
DR: LEANNA WITH THE SAVE!
SS: I'm exhausted. I can't believe what I'm seeing here. These girls are stealing the show. I just can't take it any more!
DR: We've seen everything in this match. I don't understand where the Loves are getting this energy.
AM: They want the titles. That's it. They're running on fumes, but they won't quit.
[Leanna drags Lolita to her corner for the tag. Now she comes after Bliss. She is exhausted, running on pure adrenaline. Scoop...
MICHINOKU DRIVER!]
SS: OUCH! Call the chiropractor!
[After a hard forearm across the back she pulls Bliss into a camel clutch. Lolita leaps into action, running the ropes and connecting with a beautiful dropkick to the jaw. The Loves tag off again. And Lolita pulls Bliss to her feet.]
DR: The crowd wants to see what Lolita will come up with next!
SS: Bliss ties her up in a basic headlock! Erin McCoys yelling for the tag!
[Bliss using her size advantage bullies Lolita into her corner and grabbing a handful of hair....]
DR: Bliss rammed Lolita HEAD-TO-HEAD with her own partner!
SS: That was a helluva way to make a tag! I can't believe it!
[Comedy's sign: Is it over yet?
Tara Marshall is in tough shape after that headbutt. Lolita is rubber legged. Leanna has seen enough. She drops off the ring apron, pushing her way towards Bliss who staggers down to meet her.]
AM: Lolita may be finished now. That headbutt opened up a big cut.
DR: You're right. Blood dripping into Lolita's eyes!
[In the ring, Tara plants Lolita with a Hotshot across the top rope. She comes back... springing up and clotheslines Lolita with a ring rope snap. Lolita's head nearly snaps off as she is catapulted into the centre of the ring.]
DR: No ref to make the count!
SS: What's he doing on the outside?!?!
[Bliss winds up to wallop Leanna with the chair. She swings...
NOTHING BUT AIR! The refereee grabs the chair out of her hands and tosses it aside...
Right into the waiting hands of "Erotic" Erin McCoys. She looks down at the chair, holding it, feeling it's cool hard surface. She becomes one with the chair. She walks up the ringsteps to the apron as Bliss ties up the referee.]
SS: "Erotic" Erin McCoys with a steel chair? The Loves have run out of miracles tonight!
[Tara has Lolita trapped in a full nelson. She's got her in position. Where's the damn ref? Oh he's still out trying to break up Bliss and Leanna.]
DR: Turn around ref! Please! Turn around!
[Erin raises the chair. She's set. She's got a good grip.
_FEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP!_
She doesn't swing.
SHE DOESN'T SWING?!?
Erin tosses aside the chair and drops to the floor. What? I said she drops to the floor. What? The floor. What? The mats. What? The concrete. What? The thing that keeps you from falling all the way to China. Oh. The floor, yeah. She didn't do anything.]
SS: What the HELL?!?!?
[Tara is so confused that she loosens her grip. Lolita drops down, slipping out of her grasp. She lands on her back, grabbing Tara's thighs and pushing backwards.
1!
2!]
SS: It can't end like this!
[Tara gets some leverage.
3!
_FEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!_]
DH: Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of the match and NEEEEEEWWWWWW UWF Tag Team Champions of the World...
THE LLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE SSSSSSIIIISTERRRRRRSSSSSSSSS!
[THE CROWD GOES NUTS! THEY'RE STOMPING! THEY'RE CLAPPING! THEY'RE CHEERING! THEY'RE CHANTING! UH OH, NOW TWO OF THEM ARE FIGHTING! THREE ARE MAKING OUT?
Leanna and the bloody Lolita grab the belts and hold them high overhead. They have no more strength left as they stagger up the ramp.
"LOVES! LOVES! LOVES! LOVES!"
"LOVES! LOVES! LOVES! LOVES!"
"LOVES! LOVES! LOVES! LOVES!"
"LOVES! LOVES! LOVES! LOVES!"]
SS: Well, Davey Boy, this proves one damn thing.
DR: What's that?
SS: The UWF is the best damn wrestling promotion on the planet!
AM: You can say that again, Sam.
DR: We'll be right back!
[Fade to black.]